What I have found most important in all situations is to ask myself questions. When I think things are not going well, I try to stop and close my eyes. Making a new mental picture of what is going on around me and then asking some important questions. For example, "Is there something I am supposed to be learning at this moment?"..."Are my expectations out of whack?"...."Am I giving this all my effort?"..."Am I quitting too early?"...."Am I allowing old "Head Trash" to get in my way?"...."Am I blowing this situation out of proportion or taking something a bit too seriously?" No matter the situation, there are always plenty of questions you can ask yourself.
Typically after asking myself a series of question, I come to the realization that I am being impatient and not following through with whatever is going on. Sometimes I find I am allowing old "HEAD TRASH" and "Impossible Expectations" to cloud the direction I am supposed to be taking. Literally blocking my own view of the POSITIVE things that are happening right in front of my own face!!
Occasionally we are allowed to go through a bad situation to test out our new skills. I call it "refining by fire". The refining process doesn't have to be a negative one, as once you get to the end you have usually learned something really valuable and you are typically stronger for having braved the storm. Afterwards you can use the valuable lesson and info you learned to help someone else through their storm.
Sometimes we create our own bad experiences, by doing something completely by accident. You don't even know you are doing it, but your phsyce knows what you need to take care of, so you accidentally stumble into the fire! This happened to me just the other day! I held back on my feelings with a friend for a really long time, and when I went to vent to my husband (my safe person) about the situation, I accidentally sent the text directly to the person I was venting about! Yikes!!! Backlash was unleashed, and I incurred some very nasty texts in return. Before getting into a huge texting war, I had to stop and look at the situation from a different perspective. 1.) If I had been more honest with her from the start (instead of trying to protect her feelings), this would not have happened. 2.) She deserves to have time to be angry and cool off. At this point she is not willing to stop and think about what just happened. 3.) No matter the Truth behind my text, she is going to need time to process what I said. So lots of texting back and forth was not necessary on my part. I said I was sorry, and it is going to take time for her to heal 4.) I really didn't need to take what she had to say in return personally as she was angry..... Once I thought about the situation in that way, it was easier to break the cycle of getting into endless "girl drama" and trying to explain and re-explain my actions. So although this was a bad situation that I created, I was able to understand what went wrong and in the future I will be able to make better choices.
No matter what, we learn from adversity. Sometimes it take repeated experiences to get it right. Sometimes we get it right the first time.... But no matter what or how, it is important to take a step back to see the "BIG" picture. Take time to stop, think and ask yourself some questions. Learn how to BREAK the CYCLE. We don't have to live our lives on repeat of bad experiences. We just have to be prepared to take a chance and learn from our experiences, whether they are our fault or not.
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